Paris
Eight Months Later
November 14th 2008 I went into labor at the
Le Bleu Restaurant. Soon Yi felt the need to treat me to dinner, giving my maid
the day off. Who would have guessed that my baby would choose this day to greet
the world.
Twelve hours later, my doctor was placing a beautiful
baby girl in my arms, and as they were taking her away to be cleaned up another
contraction coursed through my body, I tensed up and moaned out in pain; I felt
he need to push again. My doctor turned back to me,
“Mrs. Choi, what are you feeling?”
“I…I…I have to push. Oh god what’s wrong.”
He looked very confused. He shoved the nurse out of
the way and lifted the sheets back towards my knees, putting
on surgical gloves, he gently place his four fingers
into my vagina. I tensed up again more contractions. The doctor in shock stood
up and looked at me. Soon Yi was almost in panic she says,
“What the hell is it? What’s wrong?”
His face very serious, almost excited, he smiles
broadly,
“Mrs. Choi your not finished yet, when I tell you take
a deep breath and push on my count.”
Not finished yet, what did he mean? I looked at Soon
Yi who was more confused than I was. Until a strong contraction hit me and the
doctor started counting 1…2…3,
“Eun Sun push now!”
I inhaled and bore down, pushed as much as I could.
There was silence; I stopped pushing; exhausted I lay back on the pillow,
trying to relax. Why was it so quiet? Soon Yi let go of my hand and went to see
what the doctor was looking at. I heard her gasp, her hand clasped over her
mouth, she looked back at me with tears in her eyes, yet no one was saying
anything to me. The doctor turned and walked out of the room asking his
assisting to finish up with me. Which meant removing the rest of the placenta
and cleaning me up.
Soon Yi was back at my side, smiling, holding my hand,
crying,
“Eun Sun the doctors will be back in…in a few minutes
with a surprise for you. I had no idea. He looked more excited than me, but you
will be surprised.”
Surprise, I just wanted to see my baby, my physical
exhaustion was taking its toll. While waiting, my thoughts strayed to the past,
to Kim Young Min. My heart ached for him even now, I tried to forget about him,
but every time my baby moved, she reminded me of the love I had left behind in
Korea. Was he still looking for me? Soon Yi told me that he called her at least
three times a week or parked outside her house at night till six in the
morning. I closed my eyes to fight away the tears. The noise of nurses and the
doctors coming in opened my eyes; one nurse was pushing a bassinet. I sat up
and Soon Yi propped pillow behind my back. My doctor still had his broad smile.
The nurse picked my baby up from the bassinet and handed her to me, wrapped in
the baby blankets she looked like a little wrapped baked potato. I unwrapped
her to see her little and feet, her eyes were
Young Mins’ eyes bright and alert, she had a head full
of hair; shockingly almost shoulder length that explains the constant
heartburn. Her little eyes stayed on me and I couldn’t help but to cry. Through
my tears I saw the nurse lift another baby from the bassinet; what was this?
“Mrs. Choi you are the mother of two healthy twin
girls.”
Soon Yi took the first baby so I could hold the second
baby,
Identical twins, she looked the same as her sister
with her father’s eyes, and baby shoulder length hair, ten perfect finger and
ten perfect toes. Tears would not stop flowing. I missed Young Min even more, I
wanted to share this moment with him, to see his eyes light up at the sight of
his beautiful daughters, to hear him say, “Thank you for giving life to me.” To
hear him say, “I love you” again. I cried uncontrollably that my doctor wanted to
sedate me to calm me down, but Soon Yi explained to him that it was best to let
me cry out my broken heart. He agreed.
The following day the hospital case worker came to my
room, it was time for me to give the babies a name for the first baby I named
her after Young Mins’ sister because she shed her tears on my shoulders the
night I left the Kim house and because of her lover for her brother she helped
take care of me when I couldn’t take care of myself, therefore baby one was
name Choi Jae Hwa. The nurse accompanying the case worker slide a second
hospital bracelet on the babies arm and right foot with her name on it. Soon Yi
says,
“What are you going to name baby two?”
I looked into my sisters eyes, instantly she knew what
I was thinking, her eyes filled with tears. We had agreed years before whoever
had a baby girl first we would name that child after our mother therefore her
name will be Choi Mi Sun. As done with Jae Hwa the nurse slide a second
hospital bracelet around Mi Suns wrist and ankle.
Choi Mi Sun and Choi Jae Hwa their father would be
proud seeing them now if he were here, unfortunately I vowed never to return to
Korea. The Kim family no longer has anything to do with my children and I.
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